If I had known.......

As the holidays approach I feel the lingering doom hanging around maybe even an anxiety of what is to come without my mother. For me every day is hard. My dad was recently talking about having patience to heal. Maybe I am my fathers daughter because I am always hearing how other people get over the loss of a parent so easily and here I am struggling so maybe I'm weak or as my dad says inpatient in healing. I know part of me does not want to heal because then I am accepting my beautiful mother is no longer here. No longer here to encourage me, to love my children, to rub their backs as they fall asleep, to pray for me, to love my dad, or to have Thanksgiving & Christmas together. Instead of having the family over to my house and making a huge Thanksgiving meal this year we are driving to Ohio to place my mothers headstone on her grave. Those words should not be in the same sentence with my mom. My mother died way too young. Its is not fair or right to have her gone. Words like she is in a better place does not sooth my spirit. Her place is here with her grandkids. This year she became a grandma to a new grandson JonPierre & 3 of her grandkids will be graduating from High School. One grandson will be leaving for the Army after graduation, one headed of to college to study law, and one becomes a mother. Why is my mom not her to see how wonderful her grandchildren are developing into adults? To be here and cuddle with the new baby she was soooo excited to see....and then missed. I wish I could bottle her excited over my pregnancy with JonPierre.

I do enjoy listening to a song by Matthew West, Save A Place For Me. It seems to say what I am feeling. I just can not express how wonderful my mom was to me and everyone she meet. Days where I feel I need her most, I find I wonder what would she have done for me to make me feel better. Truthfully it would be...be a mom. She could not come here and physically help me but she would listen to me, encourage me, pray for me, and love me unconditionally. I would feel her hug through the phone. Soft and surrounding with love describes her hugs best. Last year my mother was not able to come Thanksgiving or Christmas because she was sick. I feel guilty for this because I insisted she stay home to get better. I hope she forgives me. If I had known........

Samara's Birthday

Tiffany, Grandma Colette, and Jesse
A very happy Samara!
Samara overwhelmed with joy!
This week Samara Elyana Edith Duquette turned 4!!!!! I can't believe how fast time just flown by us! Samara is a beautiful smart little girl who loves playing with her siblings, learning, and cleaning (of all things!). Samara loves prayer time and when she prays all you hear is "huh...God..." then nothing but whisper. Its sweet. God hears her! She is in love with Toy Story even before Toy Story 3 came out. Samara found one of Tom's old Toy Story toys and the love affair began:)

We had fun celebrating Samara's birthday by going to Chuck E Cheese & Build a Bear on Saturday. Its funny how adults cringe when you say Chuck E cheese and kids cheer! We did have a ton of fun there and Samara seemed to have a dream come true when she met Chuck E Cheese. We have had birthdays there for 18 years now (Tom & Tiffany)! Build a Bear was a ton of fun. Dominique was able to get on of his other bears repair, too. Delaine now has Emily Owl (another Emily name), Samara has Woody Puppy (Toy Story case you didn't get it), Kathryn has Heidi (she was not too impress with it though).We did have to change our plans a bit because we had to go to work for a dental emergency but it actually worked out for Samara's favor. We ended up going to a new restaurant in town for dinner instead of in Louisville where we celebrating her birthday. The restaurant had live music and the kids were able to go up and play instruments and dance. Samara had the people singing Happy Birthday to her and she was just sssoooo happy. It is so fun to see your children truly enjoying themselves! All our kids are growing too fast and as always its a reminder to take a step back, slow down and enjoy your gifts from gone. Before you know it they'll be out of the house! I know, I have 2 seniors this year!

Bowling fun:)

JonPierre hanging out & enjoying the fun.

Popi, Noni & Delaine checking out the scores!

Dominique has his brother JonPierre in smiles!

Bowling with Popi & Noni!

After a wonderful day honoring our seniors at the soccer game we headed out to go pick our own pumpkins from a pumpkin patch. But.... it rained!!!! For all of those who do not know our area is in desperate need of rain. It is been sooooo dry here so the irony is quite funny. Since we could not go to the pumpkin patch we headed out for the Bowling Alley. We all had a great time! After a few games we headed out the door and...yep...it had stopped raining and hasn't rained since! Enjoy the photos:)

FINALLY! Senior Day photos!!!

I had to load them one at a time but here are the promised Senior Day photos!

Tiffany & her friend Shareen by their senior banners.

Popi & Noni can all the way from KC to enjoy the game:)

Way to go!!!!!!!!

Go Tiffany #13!!!!

One picture of Senior Day

Tiffany's Senior Day Game

Senior Day Pictures:)

I am having trouble posting pictures. I'll try again later.

Senior Day

We have been having a ton of fun this senior year! I can't believe two of my babies are graduating from high school this year!!!! Its a proud time and a sad time for me. I am proud how well our kids are doing and very sad to see them leave me:( In 9 short months my firstborn will be leaving for basic training to be his own man. My oldest daughter will be headed to college to study law. Man, they are so big!

This past saturday we enjoyed a day to honor the seniors on the Tiffany's soccer team. It was a proud time walking down the field arm in arm with her and Jesse. We just felt as if we were beaming! My dad and Jesse's mom & stepdad were there to share in the event. The Lady Cubs won!! Icing on the cake! The only thing missing was my mom. She would have been so excited to be there to celebrate Tiffany. We miss you mom!

Tom is doing great in school. He is getting excellent grades and has been succeeding in all that he does in school. Cant wait to see him in November.

After the soccer game we headed to Huber's Orchard & Winery to get pumpkins & apples but ....it RAINED! We need rain, more rain, we are desperately dry around here. So we were happy to see the rain even if it ruined our plans. We headed instead to a day of bowling which was great fun with Noni & Popi.

Can't wait to share more senior year fun!